I wannas sexs uuuuu
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
