I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Betty ford says i'm here all night
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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