shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
