I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize