I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
