He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she pinky promised me she was 18
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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