Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
