Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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