Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
