What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
