Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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