i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
