Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize