And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
