sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
