I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
