I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
