I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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