the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
