She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
