a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
