Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize