he told me I talked like a deaf person
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
