It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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