I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
