There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
