So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
