so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
wow bdsm is so cute
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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