did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
