so that wasnt chicken after all
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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