I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm sobbing to NWA
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
