we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize