after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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