stop calling my apartment porn island.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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