Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
