i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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