Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize