is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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