We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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