I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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