I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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