happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
