I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
