it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
