I am spending my child support on dildos
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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