Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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