At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
