Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
