dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
