Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
