Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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