he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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