the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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