her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
