I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize