JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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