I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
