i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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