it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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