I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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