Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i drank out of a bidet.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
