Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
