I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
