listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
