I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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