Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Panties = found
Randomize